I’m currently 9 weeks pregnant and lost my first baby at 8 weeks, 6 days gestation.  Despite a great doctor and trusting in God through this journey, my husband and I were reflecting this week on several things that are differant in post-miscarriage pregnancies. Enjoy!

You know you’re pregnant after a miscarriage when . . .

• As you hug the toilet with morning sickness you think, “YEA! The baby must be healthy!”
• After waking up from a mostly restful night your first thought is “Oh, NO! I hope the baby is ok! I only got up to pee once last night!”
• You receive your second sonogram at 7 weeks gestation and schedule your 3rd.
• You have a date set where you’ll start believing that you’re actually pregnant (end of first trimester, pass the original due date, or once this baby grows larger than the last) Mine is April 13th.
• You are so excited about this pregnancy that you want to tell everyone as before, but now you are also too scared to tell a soul.

1.The illness I live with is:

Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS). I’ve also received many other diagnosis, but most simply explain the array of odd symptoms that are related to the POTS. Example diagnosis include hypermobility, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, and irritable bowel.

2. I was diagnosed with it in the year:

1999

3. But I had symptoms since:

I could say since birth (1985), but the severe stuff started in 1996.

4. The biggest adjustment I’ve had to make is:

Realizing that . . . . “I can’t “do it all”. . . “His plans are not my own” . . . and “I’m not superwoman”

5. Most people assume:

Matt and I recently learned first hand how the greatest blessings can turn into our greatest sorrow in the blink of an eye.  On Wednesday, August 25th we went to see my OB doctor for our second sonogram of our new baby.  We saw  a 5 week sonogram with a beating heart and were expecting to see the newly formed arms and legs at this 8 week, 6 day appointment.  We entered the appointment full of joy and anticipation.  During the sonogram, I noticed that there was no movement, but couldn’t think of the worst.

In order to have silver linings, there first has to be a storm. As the saying goes, when it rains it storms. Matt and I have definitely our share of storms in 2010. Here’s a snapshot of our life in 2010:

• I was forced to quit work then school due to my deteriorating health.
• Later weaned off of all of my 185 pills per week for a 2 week in patient research study
• Then blessed by a surprise pregnancy, but later shattered and blindsided with a miscarriage
• Crushed by a church split as I was recovering from the miscarriage.
• Diagnosed with a basal cell carcinoma despite never tanning (and I have the white glow to prove it)

God has blessed me in many ways and through struggles I have been made stronger. This calendar alone I’ve gone through more struggles than some face in an entire lifetime. What will I do with these cards that I have been dealt?